My crotch set off the security scanner at the airport.
While talking about the corn phase I went through in high school, Jenna really loudly said, “MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF CORN!”
One of the men we’re hosting from the Cornell Glee Club this weekend overheard the conversation as, “MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PORN.” Now this man I barely know thinks I have a porn obsession.
I was working as an EMT at lacrosse practice. While sitting on the golf cart, a lacrosse ball came flying at me and hit my leg. I was the only person who required first aid at that practice.
In 6th grade, my friend asked if I wanted to be in the “PEN 15” club. I obviously said yes, thinking he wanted me to be a part of his cool club. All I had to do was let him write the name of the club on my arm.
I walked around for the rest of the day with “PENIS” scrawled in extraordinarily large writing down my arm.
I auditioned for my friend’s play, and she cast me as a little boy alien named Zebulon Zook.
My Hampshire professor never learned my name. Instead she switched off between calling me Steve and Sarah.
I went to the bathroom, and I tripped on my way into the stall. I almost fell into the toilet.
The girl studying outside of the bathroom gave me the most uncomfortable head nod when I left.